The Gloves Come Off

You’re strung out, you’re tired, you don’t want to work, you don’t want to talk, you don’t want to laugh, you just want to rest.  You’ve reached your breaking point.  And you don’t have the strength to get angry or get happy any more.  It feels like the same things keep happening to you over and over again and like you can’t catch a break.  You try to forget about this but just can’t seem to.  Something inside of you can’t shake the feeling of uneasiness, or the idea that what you’re doing may not be good enough.  You hold on tight.  You don’t let go.  And truthfully, in doing so you allow the cycle to repeat itself.  When it does, you wonder why and you blame everyone but yourself.

I can’t get him out of my head, or I keep getting shitty jobs like this, or I just can’t seem to move forward.  Then one day you get sick of it all and hit the breaking point.  For me, this breaking point is a combination of surrender and acceptance.  It’s not that I don’t care any more, it’s that I’ve been caring too much.  And have reached a point where I need to take a step back, re-evaluate and start all over again.  Yes, start all over again and push through the fears, the tears, the terror, and the gut wrenching truth of how I got to that place to begin with.

A lot of times I have to get to this point more than once before I finally see some traction or movement.  And really, that’s ok.  In fact, it’s more than ok.  It’s great!  Because when I realize that I’m repeating the same actions I become aware of what’s going on.  If ignorance is bliss, then awareness must sit right next to godliness.  I’ve learned that it is only in ignorance that we keep repeating the same actions over and over again and keep expecting the same results and keep blaming others for not achieving our goals.  Next time you face a problem, sit with it for a while.  When it comes up again, sit with it again and the third time it comes up, look your problem in the face and deal with it.  At that point you’re familiar with it and may even be expecting it.  So instead of letting it trample you, use a little bit of foresight and conquer!  If it keeps coming up and you start noticing a pattern, be grateful because you are now aware and in awareness we can change the things we want to change.  Though ignorance may be blissful in some respects, ignorance also causes discontent.

Now that you’re looking your problem in the face, you can consciously change what you’re doing, how you’re thinking or behaving.  The biggest blessing of all is being able to sit with your own fears, tears problems and worries.  Facing the truth of what you see and only the truth.  Uncomfortable as it may be, remember this as a blessing because maybe now you realized what a schmuck you’ve been or how selfish or thoughtless you’ve become. And better than that you can do something about it.

The best part of reaching your breaking point is that there’s nowhere to go but upwards.  Think of it like being on a plane and reaching your final destination.  You’ve landed, stepped outside, looked around and now you’re ready to take the trip back home.  Maybe this place wasn’t for you.  Good news – you can go home now and this trip will be easier.  This breaking point is sort of like your trip back, or your road to recovery.  You can either fight and struggle on your way back or you can surrender and give in to it.  You’re on top of the mountain and can choose which way to go.  Is it the long, hard, rough road that most people walk on.  Or are you going to take the road less traveled, the secret road that looks scary and frightening but is really safe, caring, warm and nurturing?

Yes, the breaking point puts you face to face with your demons and that is scary.  But in letting your guard down and in realizing that you don’t need to fight you make the road back safer and easier.  Those demons only come out when they see you’ve got your dukes up.  They like the chase and the thrill and when you take off those gloves, they lose interest.

Instead of blaming, wondering and fighting take the gloves off for a change and walk your path in surrender, knowing that removing them doesn’t make you vulnerable.  It makes you’re stronger, able to move forward clearly in awareness and ease.  Let someone else take the thorny road home.  You know the difference between the two now… and doesn’t that feel good!

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