The Gloves Come Off

You’re strung out, you’re tired, you don’t want to work, you don’t want to talk, you don’t want to laugh, you just want to rest.  You’ve reached your breaking point.  And you don’t have the strength to get angry or get happy any more.  It feels like the same things keep happening to you over and over again and like you can’t catch a break.  You try to forget about this but just can’t seem to.  Something inside of you can’t shake the feeling of uneasiness, or the idea that what you’re doing may not be good enough.  You hold on tight.  You don’t let go.  And truthfully, in doing so you allow the cycle to repeat itself.  When it does, you wonder why and you blame everyone but yourself.

I can’t get him out of my head, or I keep getting shitty jobs like this, or I just can’t seem to move forward.  Then one day you get sick of it all and hit the breaking point.  For me, this breaking point is a combination of surrender and acceptance.  It’s not that I don’t care any more, it’s that I’ve been caring too much.  And have reached a point where I need to take a step back, re-evaluate and start all over again.  Yes, start all over again and push through the fears, the tears, the terror, and the gut wrenching truth of how I got to that place to begin with.

A lot of times I have to get to this point more than once before I finally see some traction or movement.  And really, that’s ok.  In fact, it’s more than ok.  It’s great!  Because when I realize that I’m repeating the same actions I become aware of what’s going on.  If ignorance is bliss, then awareness must sit right next to godliness.  I’ve learned that it is only in ignorance that we keep repeating the same actions over and over again and keep expecting the same results and keep blaming others for not achieving our goals.  Next time you face a problem, sit with it for a while.  When it comes up again, sit with it again and the third time it comes up, look your problem in the face and deal with it.  At that point you’re familiar with it and may even be expecting it.  So instead of letting it trample you, use a little bit of foresight and conquer!  If it keeps coming up and you start noticing a pattern, be grateful because you are now aware and in awareness we can change the things we want to change.  Though ignorance may be blissful in some respects, ignorance also causes discontent.

Now that you’re looking your problem in the face, you can consciously change what you’re doing, how you’re thinking or behaving.  The biggest blessing of all is being able to sit with your own fears, tears problems and worries.  Facing the truth of what you see and only the truth.  Uncomfortable as it may be, remember this as a blessing because maybe now you realized what a schmuck you’ve been or how selfish or thoughtless you’ve become. And better than that you can do something about it.

The best part of reaching your breaking point is that there’s nowhere to go but upwards.  Think of it like being on a plane and reaching your final destination.  You’ve landed, stepped outside, looked around and now you’re ready to take the trip back home.  Maybe this place wasn’t for you.  Good news – you can go home now and this trip will be easier.  This breaking point is sort of like your trip back, or your road to recovery.  You can either fight and struggle on your way back or you can surrender and give in to it.  You’re on top of the mountain and can choose which way to go.  Is it the long, hard, rough road that most people walk on.  Or are you going to take the road less traveled, the secret road that looks scary and frightening but is really safe, caring, warm and nurturing?

Yes, the breaking point puts you face to face with your demons and that is scary.  But in letting your guard down and in realizing that you don’t need to fight you make the road back safer and easier.  Those demons only come out when they see you’ve got your dukes up.  They like the chase and the thrill and when you take off those gloves, they lose interest.

Instead of blaming, wondering and fighting take the gloves off for a change and walk your path in surrender, knowing that removing them doesn’t make you vulnerable.  It makes you’re stronger, able to move forward clearly in awareness and ease.  Let someone else take the thorny road home.  You know the difference between the two now… and doesn’t that feel good!


Let It Be

Ethicist and thinker Reinhold Niebuhr said, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Many times you think you may want something, and when you eventually get it, you realize it’s not what you really wanted after all. The fantasy of that thing seemed so appealing and the reality was starkly different. The catch 22 is that until you actually experience something you may not know how you feel about it. So then how can you decipher what you really want from what you think you want? Where and how does your intuition come in and how do you shut out all the noise, encourage serenity and garner the wisdom to know the difference between the two?

Much of the cause of our discontent is distraction from the present. This is where accepting the things you cannot change comes in. Because when you can finally get out of that fantasy and accept the reality, you realize what is possible, what is impossible and what you really want. And of course with peace comes happiness in what you already have because in the present it is easier to see what makes you happy and what does not. While you may have thought you were missing something huge, this combined serenity and wisdom may tell you something different.

Lately I have been surrendering quite a bit; Mainly, surrendering to the things I cannot change and accepting what is actually happening around me. As we live in a material obsessed society, this is an easy concept to think about, but not always an easy one to live out. Last week I came across a few barriers and I realized the only way to change those circumstances was to accept them and try as best I could to let them go because, quite frankly, doing the opposite had become a burden I no longer needed or wanted to carry. And once I felt at peace with that reality, I could move on, and even more so change my circumstance. Thinking about that now, it’s a bit ironic that in trying to phase out the wanting I realized I didn’t really want to want it anymore.

However annoying it or stressful it may be there are a handful of techniques and maneuvers you can take on the path to acceptance. And though I could bombard you with a slew of different ideas, and methods to focus on I will leave you with the one that has worked the best for me. And in truth, it is both the easiest and the hardest one. It is to just let it be. I encourage you to just let it be. And to do it with as much grace and ease as you possibly can. I’ll let you decide how to do that. Perhaps it’s by writing, or meditating or taking a walk, talking to a friend, or taking a kick boxing class; find a way to release and accept the things you cannot change and the things you can change will become more clear.

Do not wish, do not want and do not desire an outcome. But instead hold complete understanding that you are where you are for a reason and that in time you will garner the strength and courage to accept your serenity and change what you can. Until then, enjoy the ride and just let it be.