Live Free

Feel Like a Goddess

The Dream
The doors opened and Genevieve walked out of her white castle. She let down her long dark braided hair, the waves cascading to her shoulders. She unzipped her light beige, draped, off-the-shoulder gown. It slipped to the ground as she walked forward leaving it on the grass behind her. The river, only a few feet away was crystalline. She walked towards it, and immersed herself in it’s glowing body. She swam a few feet and let the tide take her away. As she drifted naked down the shore her confidence drifted back to her. She lay on her back in the river with her arms outstretched floating down the bay. She passed the white houses, she passed the turtle doves, she passed the picket fences – also white. The purity of the land surrounded her. The surreal-ness of the land encompassed her. Her body was cleansed by the calm, clear water. She was renewed.
The Reality
Genevieve opened her eyes. The night should have been a blur, but she remembered it all. The late night stumble into her apartment, the clumsy foreplay. Now, as she lay on her 100% Egyptian cotton bedspread, the large red wine stain seemed all too apparent. In the heat of last nights array, the spill meant nothing. She wasn’t fond of those sheets anyway. But in the presence of the sun’s light she regretted every decision made in the last 12 hours that lead to this morning’s shame. As she slowly arose now, the stain starred at her and she remembered the name of the man lying in her bed. Although she could still feel the warmth of his body by her, she felt cold inside. She unwrapped herself from their spooning and turned to face him. The challenge now was how fast she could get him out of her apartment. “We should do this again sometime,” he said smiling. “Yea, we should,” she responded. “Would you like some coffee?”

The Lesson
I was watching Amanda de Cadenet’s “The Conversation”, a new alternative interview show on Lifetime where the conversation taking place is about women. Amanda interviews influential females about their lives, struggles and how we can learn from their courageousness. A few weeks ago, Lady Gaga was on the show and discussed sexuality, dating older men and the importance of being true to your needs. She said, “I hope women out there watching see that if you’re lying in bed next to someone that really doesn’t make you feel like the goddess that you are, you need to re-discover what it is you truly want and need.”

As Gaga says, if the person lying, sitting or standing next to you doesn’t make you feel like a goddess, then you need to re-evaluate and really discover what it is you truly want. A cleansing and purification is in order. When we are in alignment and feel great about our lives, we do not cringe when looking at the person we are with. We care about any and every person who has come into our lives, and honor their presence. Sometimes it’s painfully difficult to admit the need to say no, to back away, to end a relationship or to tell someone to leave. But being in your own power, knowing what it is you truly want and need is about saying no to anything that isn’t serving you. Don’t offer them coffee, don’t pretend to like them, don’t say yes when you really mean no!

Part of being an adult and owning your own power is saying what you mean. If what you’re really intending to say is “I don’t want to spend any more time with you”, but instead the phrase, “Would you like some coffee?” magically emerges from your mouth – take some time off and get to know yourself better. Know what you want and go after it. Learn to speak your truth loudly and proudly because there is beauty in every true word spoken. And the rewards you’ll get for going after your true desires and treating yourself like a goddess will be massive.

June 2, 2012

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We Remain Unchanged

A Fable
Dear ____________ {Insert name here}
Looking at you is like looking at a wilted rose. It blossomed, bloomed and now remains the same. And you remain the same. Beautiful, untouched, always there. Though time and circumstance now divide us, you were once there for me, or so I thought. It seemed you cared for me when no one else did, or so I thought. But sometimes time doesn’t move past you. It moves through you and it helped me see you in all your glory, in your hey day, in your truth, and now in your decay. In some ways I wish we could endure and conquer but I know if that were true, I would walk away. Because although we are both growing, in some ways we remain unchanged. In the mirror I see myself and what could have been me, if we were to become a real family. But what is actually revealed brings more satisfaction. A plant cannot grow without water and grow I did, with what ever water you provided. For that, I thank you.

A Lesson
There are some people who come in to our lives for a reason, some that stay forever, and those whose time with us passes by all too quickly. Friends, family, lovers, whoever they are, wherever they may be they all deserve some words of gratitude and thanks. No one is perfect. It’s the imperfections that make us all so wonderful. But it’s also the imperfections that cause us pain, that cause relationships to end, family members to stay out of touch, friendships that fall apart. But before we see that imperfection, there is also usually a glimmer of hope and some faith in every relationship. For every person that has moved past you in one way or another, though you may or may not have told them how you really feel, there was no doubt a moment of understanding shared between the two of you. A moment where you looked into each others eyes and smiled knowingly about something, someone, somewhere. For those moments, give thanks. Because at the end of the day, really it’s those moments of understanding, of sameness that should be remembered in any and all relationships. There was once something you shared together and that sharing allowed you both to grow, whether you choose to accept it or not. We often think about what we regret, miss or didn’t do. But look at what you did do and perhaps you’ll remember a perfect moment shared between you and that someone who, for however long, loved you.

May 24, 2012

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Confidence is a Killer

America is obsessed with being skinny, losing weight and waif-like female icons who probe us to be thin. What ever happened to the concept of women being beautiful and shapely? The 2002 film with the same title starring America Ferrera popularized that catch phrase “Real Women Have Curves”. So, where are these real, curvy women? Is the industry finally changing it’s ideals of what constitutes beauty or are we once again diluting ourselves to believing that they are? I like to, perhaps naively, think that our culture is finally embracing the idea of being healthy, beautiful and confident no matter what your size or or shape. But maybe I’m just one of the thousands of women who are endlessly being fooled by fashion, female icons and consumerism.

We are constantly bombarded by images of beautiful women advertising brand names. Models and celebrity endorsements run the market and dictate what we purchase. It’s unfortunate but as consumers we’re always judging ourselves and what we see on TV and in ads. The skinny obsession must have begun sometime in the 80′s with the workout movement and our desire to become healthier. But over the years it has seemed to back fire. I imagine the intention was to provide women with a greater sense of self esteem but with the 90s the idea of healthier looking models like Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer and Tyra Banks shifted to the waif like ideal of Kate Moss. Waif-like movie stars endured as well- Meg Ryan, Wynona Ryder, Jodi Foster. Yes, fashion and hollywood dictate what we consider to be beautiful. It always has and it probably always will. But has the industry really changed or is that just what we like to tell ourselves. Looking at the fashion industry today, the ideal body type for a model has become thinner and thinner with male models looking less muscular and more like their female counterparts.

There will always be a handful of female icons with either waif-like figures or a more voluptuous physique on the cover of magazines and in films. Fashion icons, models and movie stars will always have varying shapes and sizes. And the industry that pushes forward their fame will also always pushed them to look a certain way. What’s considered beautiful is constantly changing. And the celebrities we see on the screen will almost always look a certain way. It’s beyond our control to dictate industry standards of the perfect body type and image. Although it often is, the idea of what one finds sexy, should not and cannot be dictated by an industry of money hungry individuals. Hollywood will probably never change it’s idea of what sexy is. However, there is one ultimate definition of the word that can be agreed upon world wide. Being the “ideal” weight for your body type is not sexy. Trying to conform to society’s standards is not sexy. Confidence is sexy. Confidence is hot. Confidence is steaming. Confidence is a killer because no matter what your shape if you have confidence you’ll always come out on top.

My short list of actresses with killer curves and killer confidence are:

1.Christina Hendricks
I watch Mad Men and Christina Hendricks’, Joan Harris every Sunday night at 10pm. When the show first began airing, Joan was only supposed to be a guest star. But the character became an instant smash and the sultry Joan was written in full time. Christina Henricks is among a handful of actresses today who don’t feed into the skinny obsession.

2. Kate Winslet
I consider Kate Winslet to be the ultimate beauty. She’s sophisticated, graceful and has a figure most women would kill for. We first fell in love with her in Heavenly Creatures. Titanic drew us in even further and the affair has continued since.

3. Jennifer Lopez
In 2000 J.Lo wore a very low cut Versace gown to the Grammy’s. The world fell in love with J.Lo and 12 years later our admiration has endured.

4. Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson has the body of a greek goddess, the mind of a nuclear physicist and claims she doesn’t work out. But with comparisons to Marilyn Monroe aplenty, I beg to differ. Whatever she’s doing to keep that hourglass shape is working. Keep up the good work, Scarlett.

5. Sofia Vergara
One thing that screams confidence is a sexy comedienne and I can’t think of a sexier funny lady than Sofia Vergara.

These women are beautiful, voluptuous, have smashing bodies and killer confidence. They’re inspired and are inspiring to others. We admire the Christina Hendricks and Scarlett Johansson’s of the world because they are proud of their figures, have the confidence to show them off and the balls to tell anyone who thinks they need to change to F-off.

May 23, 2012

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The Most Massive Characters

A Fable

There was a girl who cried all night. She cried until her memories were too far behind her to cry any more. She wept a sea so deep the water almost drowned her. She finally looked into that sea and saw a small island in the distance. She drifted to the island. Her efforts to purposefully dry her eyes didn’t seem to work. So she sat on that piece of land and continued to weep. She wept for hours. She wept for days. She wept for weeks. She wept for months. One day, she opened her heavy eyes. The tears were gone. She looked down into the clear blue water, the water that had formed from the tears she had cried, and she saw sea life below. Fish swam in schools, weeds swayed back and forth. The tears she had cried created an ocean filled with life, filled with beauty. The sadness had been so consuming that during her time spent alone, she had not been able to see what she was creating all around her. But in fact that sorrow had given her reason to produce life.

A Lesson
During times of hardship we often fail to notice the beauty of life forming around us. We’ve cried so deep, we seem to have suffered so long that we fail to see the joy around us and the life that continues to grow out of our suffering. By looking at our wounds, we’re able to trace our steps and see the larger picture forming around us. It’s really the tears and pain that force us to want to better ourselves as humans. The first lesson of Buddhism is that life is full of suffering. And to be honest, without the lows, the highs wouldn’t feel very great. It’s living with the highs as wells as the lows that produce the greatest outcomes. Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” Next time you begin to feel as if you’re drowning, remember that without character there would be no story and without a story to tell, a lesson to pass on, or a high followed by a low, there would be nowhere left to go.

Uncategorized

buddhism, characters, Khalil Gibran, lessons, life, suffering

May 21, 2012

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The Ocean & The Pull Toward Love

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.

Buddha

When in doubt the woman sat and prayed to the moon, stars and high above what she could see. She realized in the praying that she was a habit of gods creation, consciously molding to her thought forms. She yalped! She sang. She danced until the moon came out and her sins washed away. Her doubts turned into forgiveness and love. She saw herself and her own beauty for the first time in a long time. And she finally valued the great gift of not knowing what the day would bring. She understood that the doubt gave her an easy and uncomfortable escape; a way out that caused pain. But in forgiving her own thoughts she found a comfort in her ideals and in the movement of her actions. She was able to forgive the mistakes, forgive the worry and bring nurturance to her errors. The wounds soon healed and she walked away from the ocean with her sandals in hand and bare feet sinking into the cold sand.

The more you open your heart, the more you will be pulled effortlessly in the right direction in all aspects of your life. You’ll begin to move in ways that will be both surprising and extremely rewarding because the pull toward love can pull you toward greatness.

Transformation, Writing

greatness, heart, life path, love, ocean, open

January 23, 2012

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The Power of Surrender

The beauty of letting go. The beauty of surrender. It doesn’t mean you’re loosing out or that you’re saying farewell to your desires. It simply means that you’re allowing them to unfold as they should without imposing your control. Sometimes we try controlling situations without even realizing we’re doing it. But just having one single thought on repeat and constantly thinking about it over and over again takes your power and sense of control away. It may seem counter intuitive but being able to let go of the very thing you desire gives you greater power. Letting the pieces fall into place instead of forcing them to go where you think they belong is a greater honor to yourself and to the good of everyone else involved. You are the only person who really knows what’s best for you. When you can finally let go of control and fall into your destiny the puzzle pieces fit miraculously and seemingly without any effort on your part. Letting go of control is in fact a task in and of itself, which when mastered will most likely allow you to manifest the very thing you’ve been trying to hold onto.

Writing

control, desires, honor, Letting go, love, manifestation, power, spirituality

January 7, 2012

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A Time of Bliss

“Two roads diverged in a wood. And I, I took the road less traveled by and it has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

How do you know which road to take? Or what the right choice is? Or what the next step should be? There’s that feeling in your gut, the tingling in your heart. Something’s telling you to take that job. Run that marathon. Go on that cruise. The reason may not always be rational. But you’ll know in your gut when the circumstances are right. It’s that unexplainable feeling of inspiration you get. You’ve got what it takes to make it happen and you’re ready to go. So then, what’s stopping you? Self doubt, worry, conflict. Steven Pressfield, the author of “The War of Art”, calls it resistance.

Whatever that thing is that’s preventing you from doing what your heart desires, let it go, give it some room to breathe. What’s the meaning of life if you’re not doing what you love, not following your bliss, not spending time with the people who matter most to you. Steven Pressfield is right about resistance. Art should not be compared to war. It should be compared to bliss. Forget what your peers and friends say. Let go of the thoughts in your mind that prevent you from following your heart.

When you hear bliss calling, answer back. “I will do anything it takes to be within a constant state of bliss.” Of course, it’s much easier to do what you already know. Following your heart requires some sort of belief in yourself and faith. Bliss leads you into the unknown. But that’s where you find your truest form of happiness and well being. Do not fear the unknown. Embrace it, try to enjoy it. Have the patience to sit in the unknown, because soon enough time will fill that space for you.

Transformation, Writing

awareness, Bliss, happiness, love, Robert frost, spirituality, Steven Pressfield, the self, the unknown, the war of art

November 24, 2011

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Dare To Listen

You say you want a new life.

You say you want it all.

What about just having it for one moment, for a second, for a day.

Is that enough? Is it ever enough? What is enough?

When I get one thing, I always want something else. I’m never satisfied with the unstable junction of my mind. Trying to find new things to purchase in its virtual laboratory. Trying to find new urges to satisfy. Forgetting that what I have could be enough. And how do I stop trying to fulfill my fantasy and start fulfilling the reality?

If you sit still enough you can hear the wind blowing, the trees swaying and the animals joining together in rejoice. I can hear them. And though you say you are clouded and you hear nothing but the inner workings of your mind, below that chatter, lies stillness. ‘I’m trying to find my own stillness,’ you say. But you can’t when there’s so much noise in the background. What do you do to stop the talking, the constant coming and going. The cacophany. The stillness becomes unbareable. Although you are still you can hardly hear yourself. And then your head begins to pound. The pounding doesn’t fade.

So I’ll tell you something. Something to ease your thoughts. It’s not a secret but a universal knowledge constantly handed down to those who dare to listen. When you can stop listening to yourself and start listening to your heart, the pounding in your head, the weakness in your thoughts, the aching stillness in every move you make will fade away. You’ll be left with ease. But until you dare to listen, dare to hear the sound of the ocean, the squalking of the seagulls, smell the fresh dew of the morning – those other worlds, those other places, the real stillness will be UNreal to you.

You can find stillness in your mind, by daring to listen to your heart. You heart gives answers your mind would never be able to come up with. And when you listen to it, the pounding in your head turns into a tiny little pitter patter – a bird chirping on your window sill that perches for a moment and then flies away.

Uncategorized, Writing

animals, answers, heart, inspiration, meditation, mind, Spirit, spirituality, stillness, thoughts

October 27, 2011

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The Sweet Sea Part 2

“Sometimes instead of floating in the sea, I feel as if I’m barely staying adrift,” You say to the wise man. ”I feel like I should be doing more to keep myself above the water. But I just find myself drowning in it. What I don’t readily realize is that if I stop flapping my arms around so much, I would be able to stay ashore. I often wonder how I am supposed to stay floating when I’m constantly finding an obstacle on my path?”

“There are no obstacles,” said the wise man. There is only one emotion – happiness. And the only obstacles placed along your path are the ones you create for yourself. Now you’re wondering how are you supposed to get out of your own way. How to stop the worry, the pain, the fear and everything else. The trick is NOT to stop them. The trick is to feel them so whole heartedly that they become a part of you that you love, accept and care for. In that caring there are no obstacles. You care for yourself because if you don’t, no one else will. You stay afloat as soon as you can learn to accept and care for those pieces of rock in your way. In fact, why don’t you even stop at one and take a minutes rest. Be easy with yourself and the sea will be easy with you.”

Writing

acceptance, emotions, happiness, happy, love, obstacles, path, Sea

October 25, 2011

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The Sweet Sea

“This isn’t what I thought it would be, said the woman. “It never is,” replied the wise man. “It’s not about what one wants. It’s what one needs. Spirit shows us where to go, much to the disregard and surprise of our minds. We think we don’t really need what we’re given or that we’re not ready for it. ‘I need something different’, we cry out! But many times it’s the unwanted or unexpected that we really need the most. These unexpected moments are what makes life wonderful. We get what we ask for, no matter what. And spirit delivers it to us i the most gentle and loving way. But our perceptions, illusions and self imposed limitations cloud our judgement and actions. Once we learn to give in to spirit and let it guide us, the issues that come up will fade. We stop trying to swim against the current because we now recognize that the sea is sweeter when we simply float in it.” With that the wise man left and walked away.